Do We Meet Together or Separately With the Couples Therapist?

Sometimes you will meet both together and separately during couples counselling. Most sessions are joint so the therapist can observe your communication and guide you in real time. However, occasional individual sessions are included to safely explore sensitive personal concerns that may be affecting the relationship.

Gloria Segovia
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Key Takeaways for Meet Together or Separately With the Couples Therapist.

  • You will typically start and continue with joint sessions to work on communication and connection as a couple.
  • Most therapists include individual sessions occasionally to address private concerns or trauma without pressure.
  • The use of both formats helps tailor support, build trust, and strengthen your relationship.
  • Your therapist will clearly explain confidentiality rules for any separate sessions.
  • This balanced approach helps you grow as individuals and as a team.

👉 Ready to take the next step? learn more about couples counselling at AERCS and book your free 15-minute phone consultation.

Infographic explaining the benefits of joint and individual sessions in couples therapy, including real-time coaching and private space for personal topics.

The short answer is that you will take part in joint and individual sessions. Most of your work happens together so the therapist can observe real-time communication, yet you may each have short one-to-one meetings to share sensitive history safely. Your counsellor always explains how confidentiality works before any separate conversation takes place.

Why Start With Joint Sessions?

Observing Real Interactions.

When we meet as a trio, I can watch how you speak, listen, and respond. This live view reveals patterns you might not even notice at home.

Building a Shared Roadmap.

By hearing from both of you at once, I help you set mutual goals that feel fair and motivating.

The Role of Individual Check-Ins.

PurposeHow It Helps You
Explore sensitive topicsTrauma, affairs, or mental health issues can be disclosed privately first
Assess safetyI check for emotional or physical abuse and plan next steps responsibly
Clarify personal goalsEach partner defines what success looks like for them

Individual meetings are brief, usually ten to twenty minutes, and they support, rather than replace, the main work you do together.

Confidentiality Rules You Should Know.

  1. No secrets that harm the relationship:
    If one partner shares new infidelity during a private check-in, I encourage disclosure in a joint session.
  2. Safety overrides secrecy:
    Any risk of self-harm or violence must be addressed immediately.
  3. Transparent policies:
    Before we split the session, I outline what stays private and what must be shared.

How a Typical Session Block May Look.

  • Session 1: Joint assessment, relationship timeline, immediate goals
  • Session 2: Short individual check-ins, then back together to discuss patterns
  • Sessions 3-8: Joint skill building, occasional five-minute solo feedback if needed
  • Session 9: Progress review, plan next steps, book booster visit

Tips to Make the Most of Both Formats.

  • Arrive with one concrete example of a recent disagreement.
  • Use calm body language to support a safe joint space.
  • Write questions for your private check-in so you do not forget key points.
  • After each session, debrief together on what felt helpful.

Two Formats, One Goal.

Using joint and individual sessions lets you benefit from real-time coaching while still having space for private reflection. This balanced approach speeds insight, protects safety, and keeps both partners engaged. Ready to try a flexible model that fits your needs? Visit our Couples Counselling page to book a free 15-minute consultation and start building a stronger connection today.

Why do therapists combine joint and individual sessions?

Joint and individual sessions let counsellors observe interaction patterns and address private concerns safely.

How long are the individual parts of joint and individual sessions?

Will anything I say in the individual part of joint and individual sessions stay confidential?

Can we request only joint and individual sessions without solo time?

Do joint and individual sessions cost extra?

Do You Need Couples Counselling?

Answer these 10 questions to see if a few sessions could help strengthen your relationship.

1. Do you and your partner repeat the same arguments without ever resolving them?

2. Do you feel more like roommates than romantic partners lately?

3. Does one of you often go silent or stonewall during conflicts?

4. Have breaches of trust, such as lies, secrets or infidelity, undermined your sense of security?

5. Are major life changes (new baby, relocation, job loss) causing ongoing strain on your relationship?

6. Do criticism, sarcasm or hostility dominate your conversations?

7. Have you felt afraid or anxious to bring up important issues?

8. Has conflict persisted for more than six months without any noticeable improvement?

9. Do you worry that your relationship stress is affecting your health, work or family life?

10. Would you welcome guided support to rebuild communication, trust and closeness?

Note: This questionnaire is educational only and does not replace a clinical assessment. If you wish to obtain professional guidance, please follow up with a licensed mental health professional.

About the Author

Gloria Segovia, SSW, BA, BSW (Spec Hons), MSW, RSW, RP, is a bilingual (English, Spanish) EMDR psychotherapist and clinical social worker with 15+ years of trauma-informed care for children, youth, families and couples. The principal and founder of AERCS Therapy, she integrates EMDR, Solution-Focused, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Emotion-Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method for couples counselling, to deliver strengths-based, culturally inclusive support. Gloria has practised in both private practice and hospital settings, and she supervises BSW/MSW students and emerging clinicians through York University. She is registered with the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers and the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario.